A Night at the Theatre
by JuJu Kitten
Summary: It's getting closer to the birth of James's first child and the boys thought he needed to get out of the house for the night. **ONESHOT**


_**Author's Note: **__I'm so sorry for the lack of updates on "My Life as a Hogwart's Sitcom." I've had a massive mental block on it and I don't want to give you all more crap (there are some bits I'm just not pleased with). I have some possible situations: 1. Do a massive rewrite (meaning I'll update all the chapters in the sense I'll fix some errors - the story itself won't change). This could reignite the story and get me back into the swing of things. 2. Stick to writing one-shots in the meantime and see what happens. 3. Both. I'm leaning towards option "3." _

_If you ever have any questions, please send me a PM or message me through Tumblr! Same name (__**jujukitten**__). I love interaction. Heck. PROMT ME! It would help with some of this writer's block I've been fighting for FAR too long. _

_Here's a little drabble that just hit me. Hope you like it!_

* * *

"I shouldn't be here, you know. I should be with Lily," James grumbled under his breath. Yet here he stood, standing under the glowing lights of the Theatre Royal on Drury Lane.

Not a month before they expect the birth of their child.

"Prongsie, relax. This was her idea," Sirius reminded him for the tenth time in the past five minutes. "She was tired of you hovering all the time and you were wearing a ditch into the carpet with your pacing."

"A little culture wouldn't hurt either of you," Remus chuckled under his breath.

James just glared at him. "I heard that."

"I'm cultured!"

"On what _planet_, Sirius?"

"Moony, this is the first time I've seen you without your nose in a tome of Shakey-pear in weeks and you call me uncultured? What is that, anyway? A dancing fruit?"

"It's _Shakespeare_, I was reading _Dickens_, and I think you just proved my point."

James saw his opportunity while two of his best friends were bickering as they always did. He slowly turned around and started to creep away when...

"Not so fast, Skippy," Sirius said, grabbing James's elbow and spinning him around to rejoin the group.

"Dammit, Padfoot. Don't wrinkle the blazer," James said, rubbing out the smooth fabric. All three men were dressed for a night at the theatre. And two of them were raising an eyebrow at the spectacled one. "What?"

"I'm going to pretend James Potter, the one who was generally covered in mud at school, didn't just worry about his blazer wrinkling," jeered Sirius. It just earned him a glare.

James sighed. "Lily picked it out. She wanted me to look good. Now what are we doing here?"

"Welcome to London's West End," Remus said enthusiastically. "According to Marlene we're in for a treat," he added, holding up three tickets then handing them out to his friends.

"Why isn't Peter here, again?" James asked, obviously looking for a way out.

"He's looking after your wife. Besides. Being in the general public has been making him more skittish than normal."

James thought about that statement. Sirius was right. For a few weeks, now, Peter has been getting more and more uncomfortable in public places. He's always been the shyest of the quartet but things are definitely not improving in time. He'll have to figure that out another time because the ushers just came to open the doors to the theatre.

"So if this is the 'West End,' what's the 'East End?' Merchandising?" Sirius asked.

Remus's only reply was a smack to the back of Sirius's head. "Watch the hair, will you?" Remus just rolled his eyes and walked past him to hand his ticket to the usher.

"Come on. The sooner we start, the sooner it finished and the sooner we can leave," James said, handing his ticket to the usher as Remus did and getting the stub back and a thin book.

Sirius followed suit and looking at the glossy cover. "_Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street._ Are you kidding me?"

All James could think of were the Barber Shop Quartets he'd see singing around London shooting off killing curses left and right as they sang. The though made him chuckle.

Remus groaned. "Just give it a chance, okay? Marlene worked hard to get these for us and this show just opened the other day, so they're a hot commodity."

"A demon barber?"

"Yes."

"No magic?"

"None."

"How long are we stuck here?"

"Few hours. We get a break midway."

"I'm with Prongs, now. Can we go?"

Another swot by Remus.

"Look, we're here, lets just go in and watch the show and go. Give it a chance," James said, giving in. He knew if Lily knew they didn't even give it a chance she'd never let him hear the end of it.

Rule number one of living with a pregnant ginger: don't upset her. Ever.

Rule number two: if she wants a BLT at two in the morning, you go get the damn sandwich (and be grateful it wasn't a flatbread from Venice or pastries from France, again).

Rule number three: never mention out loud that you're grateful it isn't a flatbread from Venice or pastries from France because you'll find yourself acquiring a Portkey to one of said locations before you can say Norwegian Ridgeback (and mentioning said dragon will earn you a one-way Portkey to Norway for school bread or rice cream).

The trio entered the large theatre and took in the sites. "Man, these Muggles know their stuff," Sirius said quietly.

They found their seats (about eight rows back and a few seats in) and got comfortable with James in the middle, Remus on his right, and Sirius on his left. James took out his programme and thumbed through the pages. "So this is a musical?"

"Yes, they will sing and all that at random. No, it isn't as silly as you think," Remus assured him, thumbing through his own programme. "Oh! Before I forget," he said, putting his programme aside and reaching in his jacket. He discretely took out his wand, made a motion, and put it back.

"And that was...?" Sirius asked, his tone dry.

"Quick charm so your gabbing won't disturb the Muggles."

"What are you accusing me of? I am very well-behaved in public!"

"Yeah, when you're a dog."

"Yeah... Hey! I'm behaved as a human, too!"

"Your and James's chatter got us kicked out of _Halloween_."

"Don't bring me into this!"

"They couldn't appreciate our good commentary!" Sirius exclaimed, ignoring James.

"You stood up and cheered."

"It was an awesome fall over the railing!"

"You threw your popcorn at a Muggle."

"She had it coming!"

"Guys, please. Let's not bring up _Halloween_, please, and enjoy our night?" James pleaded. Sirius went to open his mouth. "Or _Superman, Body Snatchers, _or _Nosferatu._" Remus went to open his own mouth in turn. James turned to him, "Or the fact that the only movie Sirius was quiet for was _Life of Brian_."

"That one was funny. I liked that one." Remus rolled his eyes at Sirius's comment.

James gave him a look and turned back to Remus. "Did that wand work do anything else?"

"No one can hear us and when they look at us it looks like we're either watching the show or looking at the programmes. Muggle or wizard, doesn't matter. We're ordinary theatre-goers to anyone present."

"Good." Suddenly there was a gentle tone coming from the front of the room. "What's going on?" James asked Remus.

"Orchestra's tuning up. It's about to start."

No sooner as these words left his lips did the music begin.

"Whoa, that's creepy sounding," Sirius noted.

The trio were engrossed in the music and scenes.

"Dude, that's not normal."

"Can he do that?"

"If anyone did that to Lily they would need to watch their back because I'll hunt them down."

"Looks like he has the same idea, Prongs."

"Why would anyone eat _cat meat pies_?"

"They're poor. Would you rather dog meat?"

"I don't know, Moony. Wolf may be more tender."

"Could you two shut it? I'm trying to watch!"

"Is that note possible for a guy to hit?"

"Obviously. He just did."

"Oooh... that's going to leave a mark!"

"What's she talking about?"

"Did she just suggest...?"

"No way."

"That's so not kosher..."

"Oh, Merlin."

"This is amazing..."

Intermission came quicker than anyone expected.

"How long do we have?" Sirius said to Remus when most of the people around them left to get wine and spirits. "I want more!"

"I thought you wanted to go home?"

"That was before I was cultured."

"I thought you were already cultured?"

"Nuances."

"Or do you simply find Joanna attractive?"

"No denying that girl is stunning and has the voice of an angel but even I won't pursue a girl with a father that could potentially slice my throat open and feed me to the neighbors."

"That is the smartest thing you've said all day, Padfoot."

"Why, thank you, Moony."

At that moment the show picked back up.

"Those poor, ignorant Muggles. Don't they know they could be eating their uncle?"

"I think they're too drunk to notice."

"Wow. Bunhead is delusional."

"It happens when you are in love."

"And you are the specialist on the subject, right Prongs?"

"I'm not delusional."

"I think her delusions came from the insanity associated with going on a mass murdering spree-turned-caniballism."

"So eloquently put, Moony."

"Thank you, Padfoot."

After that, the trio sat in silence. Hypnotized by the growing tension of the story and finding themselves moving closer and closer to the edge of their seats. When the curtain fell they leapt to their feet with the rest of the audience.

As they exited the theatre, James turned to his two best friends. "Hey, guys. Can we make a quick pact? Right here and now?"

"Sure, Prongs," Remus said, the slight confusion obvious in his tone and face.

"I'm not breaking out in song randomly, Prongs."

"No, Pads, that's not it. I just have a request.

Two confused looks stared back at him.

"Can we _not_ tell Lily what the show was about?"

"Why not? Think it would scare the sweet Lilyflower?" Sirius cooed.

James hit Sirius on the arm. "No, you wanker."

"Then why not?" Remus asked.

"She'd end up craving a meat pie of some sort."

"So...?" Sirius drawled out. Remus was already quietly laughing, his shoulders gently shaking.

"So," James continued, "If she thinks meat pies, she'll want meat pies. And I have no intention on eating another meat pie for as long as I live."


End file.
